Today was typical shopping day, which means I run all over the gulf coast area and get my groceries done and whatever else needs be. The hubs is still working nights so its pretty much left up to me to get all the stuff we need done and tug along the gremlin.
As I was on my drive to Pass Christian (about a 30 min. car ride from my house in Biloxi) Wal-Mart to pick up the pics I ordered last night of Jim, so the hubs can take them to Joanna for Jims Funeral on Friday. I heard Nickleback come on the radio, the song was "If Today was your last day". Ive heard that song about 100 times and never has it held more meaning than today. I literally had to pull over along the beach and let my emotions get the better of me. After a good long cry, that had obviously been building up in me for days... I got to thinking.
I thought I want to write Jim a letter, like a farewell letter. I'm not going to be able to attend the funeral on Friday. My parents are coming in from out of town the same day and I also couldn't go because there is no one to watch the munchkin during the services, and I didn't think it very appropriate to bring her along. She doesn't really understand whats going on she is after all only 4. So I figured writing this letter would be the best way for me to have closure. So I grabbed a pen from my purse, the notepad I always keep in the glove box and took the munchkin out on the pier near where I parked along the beach. She played and chased sea gulls while I wrote. I told him how much of a good friend I thought he was, how nice a person he has been to me, how hes always been there to lend an ear or a place to stay. I told him I was sorry it had to end so suddenly like this. I told him how I will think of him often and remember the good times we had together. I wrote all of this in the brightest sunshine Ive ever been in, the softest wind Ive ever felt and the calmest waves Ive ever heard. I felt like he was there with me, sitting beside me.
In the end I promised I would live without regret, treat everyday as if it were my last, laugh more, fight less and live life to the fullest. This is something I've always told myself I should live by... but suddenly this seems more important than ever. Its only now when I'm point blank facing it that each day is a gift and not a given right. And then I stuffed the letter into my old glass ice tea bottle that I had rolling around in my car for god knows how long (apparently there was a purpose for it) put the lid on it and chucked it as far as I could into the waves. I hope you receive it Jim... and someday I'll see you on the other side.
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